Sadly, I'm not speaking figuratively (well, that's arguable...)
Our cats "found" a bat this morning. (I'm using the word "found" in the sense that they helped it from this life, to the next, as cats like to do.)
So ok. A case of the eebie-jeebies for a few hours right? Right.
Until....this afternoon, when I couldn't shake the feeling that a bat in your basement, in March, just didn't seem like a good idea. Right? Well, according to Google, right again!
Now, using Google, you'll find 1,000 websites that say Yes! You should in fact have the bat tested for rabies. Wonderful! Thank you Google!
Unfortunately, what Google can't tell you is you'll spend an hour and a half, calling every county/city/regional office you can think of that's IN ANY WAY related to animals, pest control, and infectious diseases, and STILL not know where to send the damn thing.
I actually have....8 phone numbers, not including transfers, and menu options, that left me with no answers. ...and a bad case "oh my gosh! what just touched my foot???"
FINALLY, I spoke to a wonderful woman, on a last ditch phone number, who couldn't answer my question, but actually took my information, and called me back with my answer. I could have kissed her. ...Or at the very least, high-fived her.
So she starts "Ok, you'll have to overnight the bat..."
wait, what? overnight? like..in a box? like...through the mail? you can do that? Wouldn't you normally be arrested for something like that? She continues her instruction: "You'll want to double bag it, put it in a box with your contact information, and send that off to us - wait - the bat is dead right? We won't take live ones."
**Excuse me while I point out the obvious, ASSUMING the bat was alive - even so - after I execute the double bag, tightly sealed box, and 8+ hours transit time....I'm pretty sure I could guarantee you a dead bat. If a bat survived an oxygen deprived box for 8 hours, we've got bigger problems than rabies tests.**
But ok, ship the bat, double bagged, in a box, to this lab. No problem! I'm on it!
...mmmwell, 'I'm on it' in the sense that "I've written down all pertinent information, and I'm anxiously awaiting my husband from his dental appointment, at which point I'll instruct him on the proper way to ship a dead bat". That sounds more like it. I'm not touching it.
Only, it occurs to said husband, that the lab is only 40 minutes from us "Why don't I just DRIVE it down?" At which point I gave him the "you kinda worry me" look. But what can I say, he likes road trips, and as he pointed out, it will probably cost the same in gas, as it will to overnight the bat, so ok, have it your way. Go for it. Road trip dudes! ...creepy weird road trip, but hey, it made him happy. So be it.
Just keep it away from me.
So....dear friends. I'm now anxiously awaiting a rabies test result. Oh, let's pray its negative.
And I'm also awaiting my visit on Tuesday from "bat man". (Ok, I'm not actually sure of his name, but he deals with wildlife, and bat proofs homes, and the name - though started off on accident - is fitting, and shall remain as such)
But, the more I got to thinking, the more I thought it was highly unusual to find a bat in our house in March. August when windows are open and they're out and about? Not so alarming. March? "s**t, I bet we've got bats!!"
'Bat man' thought the same.
So 'bat man' will be over to inspect our house, and discuss the possibility of 'sealing' our home. I have a sneaking suspicion, we have unwanted guests, and I know where they are. So until Tuesday, I'll be wearing my hair up, constantly swatting at the back of my neck, and sleeping with the covers up to my neck. No....ears.
In the meantime, enjoy my paranoia, feel free to make lame bat jokes at my expense, and please resist the urge to throw small furry looking objects in my direction - lest I pee my pants.